99% of Grindr is Toxic (welcome to the dark side); Meet Bums, Scammers, Unsafe Sex, Your Husbands, and More

Part 1 of idk —

I am probably going to get tons of criticism from this article but I have decided to write my experience in the gay world, mainly in Texas, USA, and how I have experienced it so far in my journey. This first piece of writing is meant to be cathartic and help me with my growth in life. I have decided that I am exiting the world of dating from gay men to concentrate fully on myself and I hope to run into someone, naturally, in my path one day that I can fall in love with. This does not speak for all the users of the app. This speaks of the experiences I have had on this app. This does not speak of the whole gay community. This does not speak of all the gay dating apps. This speaks of the app I have been constantly been exposed to.

“…what I cannot allow and what enrages me is when one gay man uses their trauma to take advantage of another gay man who has gone through their extreme trauma.”

When we hear “Grindr”, everyone, even the heterosexual community knows that it is a hook-up app. You can easily put in your email or a fake email you have, to set up an account and go online. You will need to put in your age, gender, sex, height, weight, ethnicity, body type, (sexual) position, “tribes”, relationship status, STD status, “looking for”, where to meet, accepting NSFW pictures, social media links and now if you have been vaccinated against COVID-19. The last best thing you can do is upload a profile photo. Most of the photos on there are of men’s upper torso (yes, ironic, since I used a picture of a guy shirtless as my story’s photo).

The reason I wanted to share this with other gay men out there because I want them to be able to relate to my experience. The point that finally drew a line for me was a very negative conversation with a user on the app. He said that gay men have been traumatized for a long time so I should let them do whatever they please and not judge them. Everyone does have a different upbringing…what I cannot allow and what enrages me is when one gay man uses their trauma to take advantage of another gay man who has gone through their extreme trauma. That is just not right. In a community where we are very vocal about support and positivity, this seems pretty manipulating (or I should say triggering) when one crosses the finish line of coming out. I need to write a whole article about coming out and why I do not approve of the way it is done. Uhm! It does not have to do anything with opening up about your sexuality or accepting yourself. It has to do with social expectations.

In my experience, 99% of the people you engage in a conversation with on Grindr are either addicted to drugs, mainly methamphetamine, want to have NSA (no strings attached) sex, want you to pay them for their time talking on the app and then transport/meet them, want you to become their sugar daddy, want to say the most harshest words about your body, make you realize the shallow world that literally exists in the gay community, want you to Cash App them money before they can come over — so they can instantly “block” you and run away with your money, want you to come couple houses down as their wife and their kids are away so you can have oral sex with them, want you to go subscribe and pay for their Only Fans page, want you to know that “no fats, no fems, no Asians”, want to manipulate your emotions if you reject them/or do not provide them with money, want you to know that they are only into whites and jocks, want you to be black with a large, endowed penis to fulfill their fantasy, want you to be a third in their open relationship couple situation, want you to come join their group to be degraded or humiliate a submissive guy, want you to come visit their anonymous hotel rooms where they may have a “gloryhole”, want you to be young and uncircumcised to fulfill their fetish or “block” again, want to fetishize you…and whew! I can go on but I think you get the point now.

In the last few years, most of my responses after a single line of introduction have been, “how much?” You either find spam profiles that start with providing you a deep tissue massage and these are scammers who will ask you to visit an external website to trick you into giving them your personal information like phone, email, credit card. Or you find someone who just asks you for money straightforward. It has become a norm. You will be conversing with someone for a while and when it comes time to go on a date, coffee or meet up for drinks, switch flips, and they come up with a story about not having enough gas money or if you can send Cash App them real quick because a family situation has come up. I have been a VICTIM of this twice. I have sent in $10 to two different people and man, was I angry. One stopped talking and the other one just made excuses before finally blocking me on the app. I reversed the charge in my bank account on one of them before Cash App disabled my account. Oh! And Cash App will never help you retrieve your funds despite your proof of the scammer. Which makes you think, do these scammers continue to loot others? Yup! Every single day some scammer is adding to his million-dollar fun. Cash App will not even investigate and send you an automated generic reply of why they are unable to help. Theft and fraud are common with this app and the company is okay with it.

One of the other aspects that I have not touched on much is marginalization. Whites in the gay community will discriminate against you because you are not white or white with abs and a jock-like body. Asians will discriminate against you because you are an Asian. Fats will discriminate against you because you are fat. Fems will discriminate against you because you are fem, and not masculine. It is one thing to have preferences but it is another thing to destroy someone with words because you are not attracted to them. You will be marginalized within a community that is already marginalized in the world...SMH.

We all want that healthy experience when we are out there looking to meet someone. This particular app is not healthy and it is not good for your mental growth. It has influenced me and I want to inform others that they are not alone when they feel this way. Gay spaces are very limited. When we think of gay spaces, everyone says let’s go to the bars, clubs, or the gay strips where entertainment lives day and night. But what else is there? We are not going to find love there. Yes, there is Tinder too and I will write my story on that soon. Heck, should I just write about my gay experiences with guys and share them with you guys to read? Let me know. If you are going to slut-shame me then you should close the article. I have decided to just write it all out because I have been holding all this in. All this bad energy and bad experiences. This was a critical piece and there will be more of these. At the end of the day, I want a world full of positive energy, love, and happiness. Period.